Life In Austin: They call him Mellow Yellow

50% of all babies are born with jaundice, 80% of all preterm babies have it. The ailment is not uncommon. Jaundice, from the French jaune, or yellow, is when a neonatal system produces too many red blood cells, then "trashes" them or breaks them down into bilirubin (pronounced Billy Rueben) but the liver isn't capable of processing these garbage blood cells so the skin turns yellow. Traditional treatment includes exposure to sunlight and the use of a Biliblanket.

So the new one, who still doesn't have a good web name, has the jaundice. LMA had it but it was never an issue and had passed before we left the hospital. This new one (let's call him Giblets) has progressively gone from a pinkish baby with a face slightly tinged to a Turner Classic version of a baby during the colorization fad. White fuzz and yellow skin do not a neat looking baby make.

So we spent most of today at the hospital. We called the doctor's office, on a Sunday, and gave them the down low and they instructed us to hit the ER up in Round Rock. So we head up around noon. Now, I understand what triage means, but for the love of God, could we, a family of four that includes a 4 day old and an antsy 3 year old get some attention sooner then The Moaner or Broad With "Mental Illness?" We were there long enough for LMA and I to walk complete around the hospital building, come back, go do some grocery shopping, stop at Jack in the Box, come back, then go back outside to hunt for acorns. It was about 5 o'clock when we were released and what we got was a blanket delivered to us.

Really? You ask. Delivered? Yeah. Get out, eh? No way, Wet Head, they brought it to us. So let me get this straight. They knew the baby had The Jaunt before you left the original hospital, but then you had to go to another one and wait 5 hours so they could send you home and deliver a blanket? Yeah that's about it. So what was this 5 hours spent doing? Um, telling LMA to shut her noise hole.

Plus the blanket is all teched out like a James Bond diamond security trap with blue lasers. It's just begging us to steal this baby.

Lest we forget that this is the 2nd child. I'm doing my best to keep LMA occupied and played with and doted upon. I tell you what, she cries more than Giblets.

So yesterday I thought it'd be a good idea to take her out to the park and fly a kite. We had a dolphin kite that we bought at the kite fair but hadn't taken out yet. I packed it and a juice box and water and headed down to the school. It was a nice breezy day and we got the kite up no problem. After 10 feet of string, LMA lost all interest and decided she'd rather go play with rocks. So I was left in a peaceful state of watching a blue dolphin flying around with the grackles and doves.

It also gave me an opportunity to offer myself as an afternoon snack for what I think was a chigger. Now I've never had ticks or chiggers to my knowledge as a kid, my parents will probably laugh at that, so I don't know what the deal is. I know that mosquitoes make you itch and leave a welt, fire ants itch and hurt and leave a pimple looking thing. Chiggers apparently lay eggs? Someone correct me on this, please, because the hypochondriac in me is freaking out and I can't talk about it anymore with Mrs. Austin because she thinks I think the bug has laid a cancerous tumor in my finger and I'll be dead by the morn. At this point I have a pretty big white head on my finger and it burns. Don't know what else to do but keep it clean and take Benedryl.

But that's not why you're here. Goodness knows it's Giblets that people want, so Giblets people will get, even you 5th level vegans.