Well, it's just after 1am and Giblets has finally found his lungs. Oh he had them before, but now they are powerful and snurgly. Yeah, snurgly. No I'm not Dr. Seuss, but there has to be a term for that little hiccup/sucking/clearing throat sound that babies (god I hope it's "babies" and not just this baby) make. It's a panicked, I can't breath, I have a burp, I'm straining to fill my pants sound, but nothing ever happens. No cry, no burp, no messy drawers, nothing, just a constant, kenetic, constant sound. Even when he eats he's making noise like he's both hungry and inconvenienced that this bottle/breast is in his face. It's starting to drive me batty.
Now before you people with kids or you granparents chime in with advice or little snickers about how you've lived through this and it's part of the territory, stow it. It's 1 freakin AM and I've already had a kid, so don't get your annectdotes all polished up. And for all the non-baby havin' people, this is your fair warning: As cute as they are, babies are the loudest things Mother Nature has ever created. They are the grumpiest, crabbiest, most finicky, unpredictable hunks of non-sentient flesh this world has ever seen.
It is possible I'm not meant to be a parent, I mean the sound of a baby crying when I should be sleeping isn't endearing, it doesn't make me want to find out what's wrong, it doesn't make me rush to attention, it makes me want to find a railroad spike and try to stab my ear drums out. I don't remember felling like this with LMA. I mean, I was a little peaved and exhausted with her 2 AMs, but that was a good year into it. I haven't given this one but 10 days and I'm already giving it ultimatums. "Yeah, you BETTER drink this bottle." Or what? OR WHAT? At this age it's going to be MONTHS until the kid sleeps through the night.
Oh, and all you people with your "you need to sleep when the baby sleeps." Screw you, when is that exactly? 11am to 3pm? I don't think my boss would be too keen on that. "Sorry bossman, the wife just called and junior is asleep. Mind if I knock off for 40 winks?"
If nature wanted humans to survive, and I mean REALLY survive and take over the galaxy, she wouldn't have made babies so damn loud. I mean, we're right here, you don't need to crank those decibles. Thanks to our upright walking and our huge craniums, we can't afford giving birth to animals that walk and talk already. So we have to nuture them. Well gosh darn it, at least make them sleep through the night. I think more people would have babies if it weren't for the hourlies that go on at night.
I know Mrs. A's gonna have my ass in a sling for this, but you know I rarely speak out about kids. I love kids. I love both my kids, and my wife. There's nothing I wouldn't do for any of them. But at 1:30 am when that kids crying and he's neither hungry, nor wet, nor cold, nor unloved, nor gassy, it really makes me want to scream because there's nothing you can do but just take it. Like a verbal shallacking from a boss on a job you can't lose, you just have to take it on the chin and hope it doesn't kill you.
Seriously, I don't want to hear it. This will pass, but right now I'm just super tired and very touchy for other reasons.
In the mean time, have some pictures.
Mom's first shower with Little Mister Oompa Loompa
See, a few of these pictures, and the crying sometimes doesn't matter.
There's one of LMA like this. Very peaceful.
Yous talkin' to me?
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