I truly am a creature that lives in the here and now. Much like a dog or infant human who doesn't understand the concept of time or distance. It's part of why I'm really bad with organization; a skill like that requires a view of events to come. I'm mostly concerned with what's happening immediately around me and at this very moment in time. I was joking with someone when I said I live in three day increments, but I wasn't joking by much.
I blame TV (because who doesn't?)
I'm bad with prioritizing and completing projects at work. I'm lousy with long term planning like trips or events. I can't seem to get the hang of doing creative or work related tasks before the last second has arrived. It's not that I procrastinate for that connotes an understanding of when something was needed and my refusal to take action now and willfully put it off.
No, I don't even know it's out there. My subconscious procrastination is so strong that it blinds me to everything but what is immediately important. Thus I am a reactive creature and I wait until something bumps into me. I am a prehistoric single cell organism.
I'm planning a trip to DC in the summer, by which I mean TG is planning and I'm agreeing with everything. But even saving for the trip is foreign to me. I have this architecture in my brain that says it'll be okay if you don't put $50 in a jar right now. It'll be okay if you start saving in May. It'll be okay if you don't buy plane tickets now. I have tests next week and videos to watch and cars to fix, but I can't keep these things forefront in my thoughts. It's as if to do so would mean I'd cease to be me. It would change who I was if I was to constantly walk around with a mental day planner hanging in front of my eyes.
And yet I find time to do this. I find time to watch a cartoon or a movie I've already seen. I find time to sort Lego and build little bits of nothing. I find time to write about TV shows and research them to what end? I don't get paid to do any of that, but I do it.
So that's what I talk to you about. Because the rest of the world around me is currently a little jumbled. Things are happening fast and I'm just trying to keep up. They aren't bad things, they are just things. It's like a multi-person project that sits for a long time in the planning phase and then suddenly you're smack in the middle of acting and doing and there's that feeling of uncertainty where you don't know if you'll end up on the other side the same as you were or better or not at all.
It's hard to describe without using names and events and time lines, but almost nothing stays the same around the house much longer than a day. We keep agreeing on schedules and finances and activities and then making exceptions not hours later. It's like living in a blender in a dryer in a wind tunnel.
The positive news is that I'm taking the bus more and more. It's good for the legs and heart and it's better on my car. I have a bus pass through ACC (which I've already had to replace) and I can only imagine the gas I'm saving. I'm only driving to work two days out of the week now so that's got to be a substantial savings. Plus I can read or do homework or nap. It's nice.
The Saints won the Superbowl. Who dat? No one! We had a few people over and the Cajuns made etouffee and we drank too much. (PS, for those of you who don't know, rice and beer will make you bloat like Violet from Willy Wonka, don't say I didn't warn you.) We missed the forth quarter however. The downfall of technology is our reliance upon it. We paused it at the start of the forth quarter, it was 17-16 Colts. We were waiting for a friend to get off work. She arrives, LMA hands me the remote, we juggle it and it lands between me and the couch and it changes the channel. I quickly change it back to find there's 90 seconds left in the game and it's 31-17 Saints. We were crushed we couldn't see it and oddly only mildly happy the Saints won.
I couldn't have recorded it? Yes I tried not making LMA cry, it wasn't her fault...entirely.
Alright, I should go do some work. Carry on.
at 1:34 PM