30.4.14

Abuse


I realize I haven't written in a while.  I seem to only come here to alleviate guilt, promote a project, complain about life, or perch on a soap box.  Truth be told, my day-to-day isn't as exciting as you might think.  In fact, I bet if we compared lives, mine would be just as banal and intriguing as yours.

So it should come as no surprise that there is yet another movement to write about.  Long ago it was breast feeding, then it was the horrors of homophobia, then bullying in schools, now it's how horrible it must be to be a vagina carrying human.

And again, it's hard to talk about this without seeming like a typical privileged white guy.  I can side with all these issues because I have no issue of my own.  I'm not treated unfairly in the workplace.  I don't get profiled by police.  I get paid pretty well for what I do.  I can get married if I want.  No one questions me if I'm taking photos of landmarks.  I can walk around without a shirt if I choose.  If my dick stops working, my insurance will cover treatment.

If I walk home late at night, I don't have to worry about my genitals being a target.

If I dress up as a comic book character and go to a comic book convention, I don't have to worry about being the object of sexual ridicule or "pedestalism."

I can't even apologize for my sex without getting backlash from those who find it egregious that I would assume they need a spokesperson.  It's apparently not up to me to speak for the masses and say, "I'm sorry guys suck."

Well, sorry, but I disagree.  If I'm not sorry about how women are treated (or anyone who's suffered from abuse or an attack) than who will be?  If I'm apathetic and wait for something to change, who will change it?  If I don't stop and say, "No, dude, that's not right.  You shouldn't be going to comic con just to see the girls in cosplay," then who will?

You?

Part of this, I suppose, is selfish motivation.  It's hard enough dating being a divorced father of two who lives with his ex and her wife without also being considered a threat to those I wish to court.  I wouldn't want anyone to feel that, to paraphrase Louis CK, a successful date means you weren't attacked.  Guys, this isn't the Serengeti for fuck's sake.  We have frontal lobes and continually espouse the virtues of free will.  Why are we still allowing baser instincts to control us and turning a blind eye when the object of our affections live in constant threat of violence?

I can understand petty theft.  I can understand greed and desperation.  I can't understand this.  And it's not because I'm jumping on a bandwagon or because I want to feel superior, but it just completely escapes me.  Outside total and utter psychosis, why would you willingly choose to do this to another human being?  Especially the types of human beings you are otherwise spending a lot of time, effort, and money trying to get to like you in return?

So what's next?  What do we do?  I'm not sure.  Talk to your sons early.  Treat everyone the same no matter what's between their legs.  Try not to give in to your base instincts as often.  Use some common sense and courtesy.  Stop objectifying women in art and advertising.  You folks who are my comic book art friends, let's put some real clothes on people, huh?  Next time someone makes a patently lascivious remark, call them out on it.  Say it's not okay.

I don't like writing this.  I don't like feeling like I owe someone an apology for something I didn't do.  I don't like feeling as though the act of apologizing is somehow going to make others resentful and defensive.  But you know what?  Fuck 'em.  I'd rather my daughter and my friends and my future partners not feel as though I'm a threat in anything other than a defeat at Scrabble.  And if that ruffles some feathers, than those feathers need to be torn off.

1 comment:

Meredith said...

Well said! This is everyone's problem.