Just So Tired

40/365 Glasses
Originally uploaded by xadrian.

I got my camera back today.

I went to NY and brought my camera. I brought my camera for two reasons. I wanted to get a few shots of neat stuff and maybe of my friend and her friends having a good time. I wanted to keep up with my 365 Days thing on Flickr.

The camera would not work, or at least I thought.

So I take a photo of me and a coffee cup while in Houston. I take a few shots of my friend, the subway, the view from the plane. I notice when I turn on the camera, it says something like "card cannot be used." I flip out and try to reformat the card. That works ok and I'm able to take some shots. But then I turn it off and back on and I get the same message. After I format, the card says it has no images. I'm basically frelled and figure I'll just pretend I don't have a camera.

I get home, pull the camera out and it works fine and I have about 12 pictures on it.

Mother fucker.

So of course I'm down on the stupid thing now and refuse to use it for a couple days. I start looking at new point-n-click cameras, a new battery and new cards for this one, the whole deal. I take it with me to a thanksgiving dinner and leave it there on accident. Of course my brother in law was nice enough to leave a picture of his ass on it, so now I'm afraid to even touch it again.

I overcame that skeevy feeling and finally took a 365 shot, but my heart wasn't in it. I also tried doing some drawing, but there was nothing there. I don't know why, and it's just not tonight. I need to start eating better, taking vitamins more than once a month and probably need to quit smoking. I sit all day and then come home exhausted from not doing anything and I just don't want to do anything.

But I want to write.

Seeing my friend in NY made (makes) me want to write poetry again. I tried it for a bit in college and found I wasn't too bad at it. I told Ms. A about a story idea I had and I'd love to write it as a novel. The only thing I've been doing lately is watching Farscape online and reading before bed. I've missed all the shows and movies I've wanted to see. I don't help much around the house lately. I do what I can to get the kids in bed so I can go to bed too.

I'm pretty sure it's the lack of sunlight and the cold. I'd always thought I liked the cold, but maybe it's sapping my strength. I'm warm blooded as though I were a space heater and maybe the cold just saps my energy.

Maybe I'm making excuses for being depressed.

But at least I got my camera back.